I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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