She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
