I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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