Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
