i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize