White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
