R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
