Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
