my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
