i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
