Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
