This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize