I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
