the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My bed smells like the plague
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
