p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
