What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize