I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
