How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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