Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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