So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
