dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My feet surprised me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
