the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
