Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
