i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
