If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
