Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
