i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
