my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
