I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
