i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
operation harelip BJ is a go
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
