dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
