never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
