oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
