At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
