i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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