the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
