You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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