Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
