I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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