So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
