U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
