I will die if light touches me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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