Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
