i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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