I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
