I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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