I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize