She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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