I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
