He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
