I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize