i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
