Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
