I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
