He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
