i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
