There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
