I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
