...so i touched it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
