Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize