"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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