Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
