i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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