hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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